BULLETINS FROM ALOHA

"I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way, by sticking strictly to a life which would kill anybody else", said Mark Twain to Miss Tweksbury's School for Girls in 1905.  He offered life's lessons to the audience of young ladies at their graduation.  It was well known that he did not eschew excess.  

Mark Twain went on to advise the girls on what not to do in life.  He said there were three things never to do on any occasion:

• First, girls, don't smoke  --  that is don't smoke to excess.  He advised he only smoked in moderation  --   only one cigar at a time.
• Second girls, don't drink  --  that is, don't drink to excess.
• Third, don't marry  --  I mean, to excess.

Mr. Twain went on to say that if the girls will just refrain from all these things they will have all the virtues that anyone will honor and respect.

The final advice was that honesty is the best policy.  He related a story when he and his partner wanted to start a newspaper syndicate and they needed three dollars for that venture.  They didn't know where to get such a magnificent sum of money.  He happened to spy a valuable dog on the street.  He picked it up and sold it to a passerby for three dollars.  Soon, the real owner came by and Mark Twain got three dollars from the real owner for telling him where the dog was.  Then Mr. Twain went back and gave the three dollars to the man who he sold it to and he has lived honestly since; he told these impressionable young girls at the commencement of their adult life.